I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
