She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
