Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
