Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
