I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
