you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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