yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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