So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
