The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize