Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
