I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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