i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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