You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize