We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
