I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
