at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
