Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
