but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
