he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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