last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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