Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
