if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
