he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
