Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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