But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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