I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
