He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
