my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
