Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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