I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
