does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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