I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
