carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
