Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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