when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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