also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
