dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
