dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
