Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
