she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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