Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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