u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
this hospital has no fireball
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
