He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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