The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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