fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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