have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
