tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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