I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
