I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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