I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My vagina is officially offended.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
