i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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