You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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