It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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