Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
