Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
