I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
