just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
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There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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