The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
