Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
