Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
