never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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